I can recall a time, seemingly not so long ago, where I envisioned pregnancy to be a joyous occasion. I heard harps playing and angels singing and I imagined feeling womanly and glowing. The birds would sing to me, grandmoms every where would wink at me, and children would smile at me. I would ooze wisdom and charm, and my upcoming birth would draw near quickly and painlessly. I actually thought I would enjoy pregnancy, and that it would be a magical time.
I wake up at least 3 times to pee during the night, although my record is 6 trips to the bathroom in 9 hours. If you do the math, thats less than 2 consecutive hours of sleep in a row. And if my bladder doesn't wake me, my sore back does. Or even better, I wake myself up because I was snoring... awesome.
I then proceed to take a cold shower, luke warm at best. This is because any exposure to warm water, even for a 15 minute shower, causes my swelling to jump start. So I start my day with a cold shower to at least attempt to control the puffiness. Have you ever attempted to lather soap or shampoo in cold water? Hopeless!
The doctor has officially banished me from spending any time in the heat so I usually get up a little earlier so I can go outside first thing in the morning before the heat is unbearable. I water my plants and eat breakfast on the patio so I can enjoy the outdoors for at least a little while. Sadly, this means my vegetable garden was a complete bust. I didn't have the energy or heat tolerance to give it what it needed this year, heck I have barely kept my potted plants and flower garden alive.
On the weekends, I spend all day indoors. My house is very clean as a result, and I have watched a lot of bad TV. Thank goodness for my new kitten Trixie who has been entertaining me or I would have gone completely stir crazy this past 3 day weekend. Don't get me wrong, I love having the time at home but when everyone else is enjoying the lake, BBQs, or fireworks and I am stuck at home it can be a real downer! Chet has been working all weekend so this leads to alot of alone time. Good for napping, bad for boredom.
On the week days, I am at work during our slowest season. YAWN! And no matter how much water I drink or how long I keep my feet propped on the foot rest under my desk, my ankles swell. By Friday, the swelling is in my knees and at the end of the each day its very uncomfortable to even walk because my joints are so stiff.
My lunch breaks used to be fun, I could run a quick errand or pick up a treat. I would go get a book from the library, or do a little shopping but those days are gone. Now due to the heat, I can't go out unless its pretty urgent. Exposure to the extreme temps, even for a short period, make me so uncomfortable that it takes forever for me to cool down and my swelling always blooms out of control. So I stay in at the office during lunch, BORING! I avoid doctor appointments in the afternoon too, because it just makes the already bad swelling worse. Last appointment he estimated I was carrying 10 lbs of water weight, and almost 30 of normal baby weight. No wonder my back and knees hurt!
After work, because my swelling is out of control by the end of the day no matter what I do, I have a very short time span to make dinner before I am forced to sit with my feet up. Failure to be off my feet by 7 pm means my swelling will not go down much by the next morning and I will make even more trips to bathroom during the night. This means, I can't run errands, do chores, or have much fun in general without paying the price of increased swelling. On the busy nights where I am on my feet for a while the swelling will stay all night, and I will wake up with cankles which only makes the next day more uncomfortable for me. More than once I have had to take a cold shower just to help my body return to a normal temperature.
The good news is that my nausea is gone, replaced by major hunger! I feel starving a lot, this kid is stealing all my food. Lets not get started on the heart burn, I could breathe fire! And of course the belly is really growing! This makes moving around and picking things up really hard. If I drop something I really consider if its at all worth picking up. A pen? Nope, I've got more in my desk drawer. Chocolate, maybe because I am pretty hungry.
In some ways 8 weeks feels so close! Chet and I spent some time this weekend finishing assembling the crib and putting together the swing. I want to start making some real headway in preparing for baby. And then I remember I still have 2 more months of this. 2 MONTHS- AHHHHHH! Let me tell you, 40 weeks of pregnancy takes forever. And never, ever ever will I be this pregnant during an Oklahoma summer again. If I wasn't a normal person with a budget and a career I would pack my stuff and live at the beach for the rest of this pregnancy. I am going to play the lottery this week, just in case....
So yes, I am grumpy. Yes, I am swollen. Yes, I am tired, and bored, and uncomfortable and HOT! I am always hot. Even in air conditioning, eating ice cream with ice packs on my feet. But don't give me that look, the one that says "Oh you poor thing". And don't tell me all the million reasons it will all be worth it, because though I have to agree in your reasoning it only makes me want to punch you in the throat right now (hello hormones).
If you see me and you can tell I am having a bad day or the temperture is currently in the triple digits here is what I suggest:
1: Make plans with me! I have been alone way to much lately and hence the pity party. You could come visit me at my home in the AC - I will happily show off the nursery! Or we could go to a movie, or rent a movie or do anything in an air conditioned location!
2: Give me a sno cone (sour cherry or creamsicle please).
3: Nope, those are your only two options. Spare me the pep talk or belly rub. I don't want to pretend this is fun, I am excited for my baby but I am not excited about getting through today.
With 54 days till Reagan's due date (but hey, whose counting) I am just trying to make it through. Some days I have a much better attitude about it and some days my feet are so fat I look like a sumo wrestler and I am just not going to pretend to be in a happy place. Every mom out there knows what I talking about, and being honest about it doesn't make me a bad mom. It just makes me an uncomfortable pregnant yankee who shares her honest feelings. Would I do this all again for my daughter? Yes! But I am not going to cut the complaining, venting is the only way to get some of it out.