Friday, August 19, 2011

Hormonal Scale


Escalation level
The Situation
How I responded or handled it
What was really going on in my head
10
Someone says “This is nothing to get upset about” when clearly it upsets me.
Silent treatment, lifelong grudge
I’m a raging river of hormones and now they are all directed at you. 
9
It’s 100+ degrees, AGAIN
Avoided the heat, banished to the indoors, drink lots of water, make Hubby to the grocery shopping
I am going to throat punch every person who asks me if I am hot.
8
Husband refers to maternity leave as “vacation”.
You are kidding right?  You consider labor and newborn care vacation?
IDIOT!  Only a man would make an insensitive comment like that!
7
Doctor says “You’re planning on getting an epidural, right?” after I felt pain during an exam.
Yes, more than likely I will though I plan to make that decision after I am in labor.
No uterus, no opinion.  You have no idea how this feels so zip it.   You just put your hand way up in my vajaja and you think that felt good?  IT DIDN’T!
6
Someone says “Boy you are REALLY big!”
Smile and say “Yes, that will happen at 38/39/40 weeks pregnant”
Silently add Jackass to the end of that sentence.  At least I have an excuse for my gut. 
5
I have outgrown yet another maternity shirt.
Avoid the mirror, thrown the shirt into the maternity storage bin.
#!&*%!  shirt, must have shrunk in the dryer.
4
Yet another person comments on my swollen ankles.
It’s nothing new, been happening for 5 months.  Yes, I am drinking water.  Yes, I am staying off my feet as much as possible.
Does everyone need to point out my flaws right now?   I am aware I have cankles, stop making me feel bad about it!
3
Random stranger gives you the pity look or uses the phrase “Oh bless your heart!”
Ignore them, continue waddling by.
Give me a break, I’m pregnant not dying!
2
Husband asks why are you crabby/crying/tired?
Said between gritted teeth “Because I am pregnant”.
Not just pregnant but super pregnant, with swollen ankles, low tolerance, highly hormonal and carrying 50 LBS of pregnancy weight. 
1
The daily question from a work colleague is “You’re still here?”
Yes, I had always planned to work up till my due date. 
Back off buddy, I barely got out of bed today to drag myself to work.

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