So to commemorate this milestone I thought I would put together a list of my highs and lows.
Lets start with the LOWS...
Without a doubt there are two clear lows for me. The first was my c-section. I was not anticipating that surgery or recovery and therefore I felt completely unprepared for the first two weeks with Reagan. I was in a lot of pain, couldn't use narcotics (due to allergies) and did not mentally or emotional expect my body to feel like it does after a major surgery like that. It was rough, and perhaps even worse for me is the dread knowing that all of my future children will likely be delivered the same way. I know its crazy, and I just need to get over it because it all worked out fine, but I was really looking forward to pushing and having someone hand me the baby. I had this idea of what her birth would be like, and basically it didn't even remotely happen that way. Instead it was a much more "medical" experience and I was heavily drugged during the labor and delivery. I was hardly able to stay awake for my c-section due to my blood pressure medicine and my memories from her birthday are quite foggy. It was one of those somewhat scary birth stories and I wish things had gone differently. Emergency induction due to pre-clamsia - 12 labor with lots of pain and no progress - last minute c-section - but a healthy baby girl!
The second is Reagan's sleep struggles these past two months. It seems that she has settled into a much better routine now but for a while there I was having a very hard time. Sleep deprivation is no joke and I really struggled with bad moods, exhaustion, and juggling my roles at being a mom, wife and career coordinator. When too much is on my plate I tend to feel like I do nothing well and I wanted to do better. Thanks to a lot of support from friends and family, I was able to stay on my feet and now things have found a better grove for me. She has been doing much better lately and I feel fresh from coming off a great weekend.
Beside some serious sticker shock over baby supplies, those are the only real lows. Honestly, that isn't so bad. No one can predict births and all babies cause their parents to lose sleep so these bumps are normal. In retrospect, I have it pretty darn good.
Now on to the HIGHS...
Perhaps its goes without saying but my highest high is just being a Mom. Though it is not without its difficulties, I do love being a parent. If you aren't one yet, there is no simple way to describe it but it is immensely rewarding and I have more love in my heart for that child then I ever thought possible! Knowing fully well this next statement is biased, I have a beautiful baby! Those rosy cheeks, big smile and happy disposition make her a joy to be around. Even though she looks just like her Dad, I adore my pretty little girl!
A major high for me is when Reagan laughs at me! It is completely contagious and I will do pretty much anything to get a giggle from that baby girl! People always tell me she is great for smiling in pictures and while this is true, it is more accurate to say that girl is always smiling! She is for the most part, a very happy baby. This is a true blessing, and I love to sing, play and be silly with her.
One of my greatest highs was this past weekend. It was one of those rare times when I felt I had my act together and I was somehow able to get a nap, check things off my to do list, and spend some real quality time with my family. I filled my freezer with homemade baby food, made a great meal for Chet and I, took Reagan to the park and had a great time! One of my greatest struggles has been feeling like I am accomplishing all I should, and this weekend was a success. It really lifts my spirits to know I can do the things I want and find satisfaction in them. I did however miss Church this Sunday, but my mom sent me a mother's devotional bible and I was able to read the first few pages.
I guess I have realized I am not seeking a perfect life. I have found joy in the imperfections, and my expectations have changed. If these past six months have taught me anything it's that life can change, your plans and budget can go right out the window and happiness is still there. I don't live a glamorous life style, I don't have much money but I have true happiness and wealth in my life. I am learning and growing through it all and learning to laugh at the things that used to stress me out. The biggest thing I am learning, is how your marriage needs to grow and change too. Becoming a parent really affects your relationship and working on continuing to love can be hard too. So despite my failures, my horrible days and tears, I am still finding all these amazing things. There is just too much to look forward to that I don't want to waste time regretting the past.
So cheers to six months Reagan. Here is to many more happy moments to come. Mommy loves you!