Monday, November 26, 2012

Santa Baby

Dear Santa,
I suspect most of your letters are written in crayon and dropped off at Macy's but here in the land of internets you are going to get my blog post today.  Below you will find my Christmas wish list, please be a good ol' boy and take care of these absolutely necessary things. 

First, I would like my daughter's permanet runny nose to go away.  Now mind you, I can handle the occasional sniffly nose or slimy sneeze but this never ending snot is starting to erk me.  Please address the situation immediately, as Christmas is 4 weeks away I see no reason to suffer till then.

Next, I know you are in the business of elfs but I would like to employ a fairy.  And by employ, I mean pay with compliments and little pats on the head.  Please find me one who does laundry, scrubs the dishes and grocery shops.  Pixie dust optional, although it would make the chores more fun.

Also, we would like a puppy.  Not just any puppy though, turns out I am quite picky when it comes to my pooches.  I'd like one of those adorable teddy bear pups, whose disposition allows for a certain small toddler to carry it around like a rag doll and one that has a distaste for chewing any toy, sippy cup or nuk she drops.  I'd prefer a quiet dog, who only barks at strangers or large monsters who lurk.   And since I am asking, please make it potty trained, obedient and cute as a button.

Well, well what else is on my list?  Since you asked, I'd like you to ensure the following appliances I already own to work properly for no less than the next 20 years: microwave, stove, refrigerator, washer, dryer, dishwasher, laptop and printer.  Just for good measure lets also include the truck and jeep in that list.  Santa, make them built to last!

Now this next one might be a bit of a stretch but seeing how I have already so clearly crossed the line of what you can build in your snowy work shop, I will just go ahead and toss this one out there too.  Since my husband is in the business of dealing with the bad guys, I'd like to encase him in one of those force fields, sorta like the starship enterprise.  A nifty little invisible shield that would deflect bullets and bounce off harm would be great.  Of course it has to work at the push of a button and detect danger at the blink of an eye.  I will leave the installation process up to you, I'm sure you have your ways. 

At the risk of pushing my luck, I am going to keep going.  I'd like a tan, a direct source to warm, fresh yum yum donuts and a travel fund to visit PA.  I also could really use a little help dropping about 10 pounds and the ability to sleep through the night.  Send me some more patience and the ability to reason with a one year old. 

And that's it.  Just a few things really, nothing much.  I'd like to point out Madonna asked for a lot as well, diamond rings, cars, apartment lease... I feel in comparison I am much more realistic and practical.  So between  making bikes and rocking horses, try and make my wish list happen as well, OK Santa? 

Signed with love and great expectations,
Andrea Skimbo

P.s.  I realize some of this may be hard to fit under the tree or wrap so please don't bother with the fuss of all that.  Just make it happen and I will know it was all you buddy. 

1 comment:

  1. Love this! Here's to hoping Santa comes through!