Monday, February 18, 2013

Toddler Rules

Someone has already engrained these principles into my daughter so it's to late to save me.  Try to save yourself if you can, or at least prepare yourself for the realities of life with a toddler.  They are smarter than we give them credit for...

I want this candy RIGHT NOW!
1.  Weekdays mean you need to be woken up (so be cranky) for school but on the weekends when Mom has the time to sleep in, rise well before expected for no reason at all.

2.  Every time you sneeze or cough feel free to let a fart out as well.  Show no shame.

3.  Wipe your buggars on mom's work clothes.  If she has on sweats or a tshirt you can wait for the tissue.  Same policy for sticky fingers. 

4.  Use the power of the whine to your advantage. 

5.  Use the power of the scream to your advantage but save this for public outings or when the whining doesn't work.  Be sure to make it pitiful. 

6.  Mud and puddles are for the sole purpose of jumping, falling or at least stomping through.  Take special care to do with on the way to the car for an outing.  Bonus points for if you can indulge this glorious behavior while on the way to church. 

7.  Insist on carrying both blankets, two nuks, a sippy cup, and several books.  Cry simply because you can't seem to juggle it all and mom will carry it for you. 

Making a mess is hysterical!
8.  Perfect the crazy laugh.  Unleash it full throttle on seemingly unfunny things.  Especially after you hear a parent say "Shhh"

9.  Only poop in freshly changed diapers. 

10.  Really need to get your way with mom?  Stick out the lower lip in a perfect pout and let one tear slide down your cheek.  Golden ticket!

11.  When mom drops you off at daycare or sunday school wail for a good 5 minutes.  Just long enough to make her feel guilty but not long enough to ruin play time. 

12. Change what you enjoy eating day by day.  Keeps mom on her toes.

13. When all else fails, try Daddy.  He is way softer than Mom.